THE IDEALIZED SELF AND AGP

David Hayton has published yet another article in which he discusses his endlessly, fascinating-to-himself, autogynephilia. He’s added a new spin - that he’s been autogynephilic since he was three. In a previous video, I discussed why this is, at the very least, unlikely. In a nutshell, the memories encoded as newly verbal or pre-verbal children are not accessible to adults because the retrieval or interpretation mechanisms have been pruned away in the maturation process. While people who were highly verbal as children, those who spoke or read early, may have some accessible childhood memories, most people do not have accurate memories of feeling states they experienced in toddler-hood.

Hayton, like many other AGPs wants to believe and wants us to believe that his powers of recall exceed those of regular people. He wants us to believe, as do many who sell the trans narrative, that their knowledge of self is clearer, stronger than everyone else’s. According to such trans apocrypha, so-called trans children are gifted with crystal clear self-concept that would be envied by most adults.

Why is this so appealing to AGPs?

Couple of ideas.

I think most AGPs are not so delusional as to believe that they can become female. This means they cannot attain their idealized vision of themselves as some hyper-feminized female stereotype. Many are average or below-average looking men, who are no more feminine than your average truck tire. The attempt at femaleness is doomed from the outset. All they have is fantasy - they cannot attain their attractiveness goals (they will never be the hot ‘gurl’ of their dreams) any more than they can become female. In order to maintain the fantasy that has become THE crucial facet of their identity, they have to shore it up. Now, they’re not only ‘a woman’ (which they know they’ll never be), they’re magical beings with extraordinary powers of self-perception activated when the rest of us were still wandering about holding teddy bears and drooling. These little AGPs, spectacular specimens that they were, KNEW who they were and what they were about from their earliest moments of consciousness.

This supporting fantasy of superior self-knowledge is more resistant to outside attack since one can neither prove nor disprove what another person remembers from childhood. While it’s unlikely that someone will have a coherent set of recollections from they age of three, it’s possible that they may. The AGP can argue that since we cannot see his memories, we cannot credibly dispute his assertions of ‘knowing’ that he was an autogynephile before he was able to recite his address and phone number.

The fantasy of wisdom also less subject to internal attack from the AGP. As he can re-cast himself, in his own mind, as this magnificent child who was damn-near omniscient regarding his identity he shores himself up against self-doubt. How could one doubt oneself if one had perfect knowledge before one got out of pull-ups? In the confines of his imagination, he can become the amazing (stunning and brave) being much less vulnerable to the reality looking back at him in the mirror - that he’s a middle-aged man with no hope of becoming female or of being ‘seen’ as such. Even if he can’t transform into a female, he can be secure in the (imaginary) knowledge that he’s ‘always’ wanted to be a woman, which validates his identity.

You would think that, thus validated from within, the AGP could leave the rest of us alone to go on about our business and not need us to affirm his lay-dee-hood. Nope, nope and nope again. This internal validation is simply another tool in the AGPs bag of tricks to prove that he must be seen as special and deserving pf privilege. How could society not laud these men who’ve been so ‘with it’ since they were in the stroller? Certainly, we all should concern ourselves with their well-being and, at the very least, offer them some kind of special consideration, like gender neutral restrooms. Of course, these spectacularly self-aware (self-obsessed) individuals shouldn’t have to to use the men’s restroom - that’s for regular men.

The fantasy of eternal self-awareness that Hayton’s putting forth is simply another way for AGPs to keep themselves together internally. Imagine the emotional chaos that would result if the lie one bases one’s existence on crumbles. If the idealized self has replaced the real self, if the idealized self is atomized by reality, a real psychological emergency can develop. Can’t have that, can we? Certainly not. A new fantasy is needed to maintain the psychic integrity. If, in good narcissistic fashion, everyone on the planet has to play into it, one has to tell people what the new game is. In this case, it’s not ‘I’ve always been a woman’ it’s ‘I’ve always been an AGP, everyone tell me how great I am.’

The idealized self is saved! Sing hallelujah.